August 24, 2018

Was overwhelmed at work. This is becoming more of an issue. Sometimes it is actually no problem and I just soldier through but other times I think my anxiety will crush me. Still it was a Friday so I had the weekend to look forward to. 

We went out for sushi in Kødbyen which was not only nice but we both needed to get out. Julia was an angel in the carrier we got from Gyða. 

August 21-23, 2018

Lots to do at work and at home. Can’t remember a lot but I tried writing at Absalon which was fantastic. I sometimes wonder how much I should say on this blog. Will anyone ever see it maybe I should change it to private. It can be so liberating when I’m completely truthful. 

August 20, 2018

I worked from home which was difficult with all the visitors but they were wonderful company. Jana and Maggí left at around noon.

We had a doctor’s appointment at Hvidovre and a misunderstanding with the LetsGo car got me a bit stressed for time. But we were not late and the results of Julia’s hearing test was all good. Back home Julia pooped all over her dad and then tried her play blanket. We got pizza for dinner and watched Star Trek. I’m my diet is just plain bad. Which is not good because of the high cholesterol. 

August 19, 2018

All five of us went to a flea market were Gugga and Raggi had a booth. It was very difficult to push the wagon without waking Julia but I managed. Guðrún and I got some lunch at Kafe Dyrehaven. The food there is always good but man is the service bad. Jana and Maggí joined us and we stopped at Abasolon on the way home. They all stayed there while I went home to write and I got a lot done which was great.

In the evening I read the first 2 chapters of Way of Kings. It’s so long!

August 18, 2018

Saturday and Marta and Peter came for visit with the twins. They stayed for almost 3 hours which was so nice. 

It was Pride weekend so Guðrún wanted to see the parade but we couldn’t as Julia is so small. Instead we went out for a walk. That evening Jana and Maggí came back from Holsterbro. 

August 17, 2018

Back to the office and work went well. At home, I relaxed in bed with the family. I 

read about a friend on Facebook that is publishing a book, felt happy for him but sad for myself. Another year and no book. It’s been 5 years since I published my novel. Every year writing seems like an unattainable pipe dream. I tried to make myself feel better and put out posts about my steampunk short story that was published in connection with a con here in Denmark but still feels like I need to do more. Am I a fan or am I a writer?

Julia was crying a little at around nine like in the past evenings but this time it was much better. 

August 16, 2018

Work from home but start the day early I sat down at the desk at 7 am with Julia by my side so Guðrún could sleep in. Damn some mornings I miss writing full time a lot. 

I picked Mom and Dad at just before 11 pm and drove them to the airport. I had booked the car for an hour and a half but still it was too short so there was no time for coffee which was a shame. 

When I got back home we had leftover Thai for lunch. I worked until five and had a nap. 

Took out the laundry in the evening and tried to do some writing but this nice American lady just wouldn’t stop talking. Not how I wanted to spend my time. 

We were all in bed by 10 but Julia woke at 11 and I took her into the living room she finally wore down my patience so Guðrún had to take over and put sleep. 

August 15, 2018

Day off so we slept in and went to Mad og Kaffe with Mom and Dad. They were really happy with it. After that all of us went to Prologue and had coffee. Guðrún was a little frustrated to breastfeed there. But it all went well. 

Mom and Dad went to Fisketorvet while me and Guðrún went to Vester Kopi to get a gift for Mom. We all then met up at Dessert huset for a shake. After that we went back home. Mom was really happy with her gift of baby pictures and shampoo. Julia cried a lot and didn’t sleep which made Guðrún tired. I went out with Dad and got Thai for dinner but Guðrún couldn’t join us because Julia was crying and feeding. In the end Mom and Dad had t left without a good goodbye but understanding 

Julia cried until 11

August 14, 2018

Went to work but Mom and Dad stopped by for lunch. We went to a nice little restaurant close to the office and had brunch. We started by sitting outside but had to flee in due to an abundance of wasps. 

After work, we met up again and Guðrún and Julia had joined them. All of us went to Magazine were Mom bought me and Dad new pairs of jeans (I’m almost 40 and still I let my Mom spoil me). I also got a wedding gift fir Bjarni and Hulda. We all had so much stuff that we took the bus home.

We went to dinner at Dim Sum in Kødbyen which is always nice. Mom and Dad had never had dumplings before and liked it a lot. 

August 13, 2018

Started the day by letting Julia sleep on my belly and Guðrún slept in. It was a wonderful moment. I wish all mornings could start this way. 

Mom and Dad came over at eleven and the four of us had lunch. Dad took a short nap on the sofa. After that Mom and Dad went to Magazine Guðrún and I followed them a little later after Julia had finished feeding. 

There was a little friction between me and Guðrún as I answered a work email on a holiday. I was annoyed and felt like she hated my job but we talked it through and it was all good by the end. 

We walked Strøget sat down until we met up with Mom and Dad. We had beers/ and ginger ale the 5 of us at Strædet. After we walked to Vesterbro and bought pizza at Dybbølsgade. We then took it to Mam and Dad’s apartment and had dinner together. 

Julia was a little fussy but she fell asleep wrapped on my belly and Guðrún and I walked. On the way I said a bad joke about how I could sleep with earplugs because of work. Don’t know why I did it but I apologized right away. But this and Julia not getting to sleep caused friction but finally everyone fell asleep and we all slept as well as possible when you have a month old baby. 

August 12, 2018

On this day Julia is month old so everyone Mom, Dad, Jana, Maggí, Vippa and Klaus came over and had brunch. Although Jana and Maggí were both staying at the apartment. Maggí was so much help, both in preparing and cleaning after. 

After brunch I so tired. I mean as tired as I’ve ever been since Julia came home. Guðrún wanted to go downtown and meet her friend’s mother. I wanted to take a nap. I lost that argument, well I gave in. If she wanted me to of course I went. Still, I was so tired on the bus and just walked around like a zombie. We met Hulda (the friend’s mother) at Cub. It was nice and Maggí and Jana also stopped by. They were heading to Maggí’s so we said goodbye bu quickly which was strange but Jana would be back within a week. 

After we were done at Cub we walked up Strøget and met Mom and Dad. We sat down at an Expresso House where Julia got some milk. It was nice to sit and chat for a few minutes more but after an hour we decided to walk home. This was a mistake as it rained all the way. Not a lot but enough to be a bother. We were getting hungry and decided to get something to eat an the Jensens Bøfhus in Vesterbro. This was also a mistake. Don’t get me wrong there was nothing wrong with the food but the kids at the next table were loud and the place was loud in general. This was really bad for Julia and she was completely overstimulated when we got home and cried a lot. It took a long time to get her to sleep so it will be a while before we go back to Jensen’s with her. 

August 11, 2018

Nameday! Finally, Panda got her name and will no longer be called Panda but Julia Svana. 

Got the keys to ma&pa’s Airbnb. It was a very nice place and close to our apartment. After that, I tried the Let’s Go car sharing for the first time and got the cake for the naming ceremony. The bakery called Bake My Day was absolutely lovely (and the cake was beautiful and tasty).

My sister Vippa came over with her partner Klaus and had picked ma&pa up at the airport. Mom was so happy to meet Julia. The naming ceremony was at 17 and after that, we all went to dinner at the French restaurant in the next street. 

It was strange to see how tired Dad was, he still has something to say but the illness has really taken its toll. But it was so nice to see how good Vippa was to him and how patient she was.

August 10, 2018

This was a Friday and stayed the longest work which was a bummer but when I got home there was still a lot to do. But I got to hold Panda which was great.

The plan was to let Jana babysit and me and Guðrún could go out and have some sushi. This didn’t work as Panda was not falling asleep. So we had stay in until 11 pm. When she finally fell asleep the sushi place was closed. So instead we went to Kiosk and got some crackers and cream cheese. I got a fancy beer but it didn’t taste good. Still it was nice to get out and just be the two of us. 

August 9, 2018

This Thursday is almost a complete blur. Got a decent amount of work done. Still very stressed both at work and at home. Jana was still staying with us but I suspected Guðrún wasn’t using her help as much as she could have. 

August 8,2018

We decided on a name, even ordered a cake that was weird because how can I choose someone’s name? It’s so much responsibility and I don’t want to choose the wrong one or God forbid piss someone off because it wasn’t the name they wanted. But in the end, we just had to choose. For future reference, the names that were almost chosen were Elísabet and Katrín. 

Good day at work. After that, it was so nice to get to hold Panda while she slept but she was a little fussy but then again the weather was still hot. 

Jana has finished Grimm and moved on to Sleepy Hollow, I’m really impressed with her taste in urban fantasy series. 

Went to bed and was beat after a long day. Panda didn´t want to go to sleep but I managed to sooth her by rocking her 300 times, I counted (there was nothing else to do). My body aked after this. I´m in such bad shape.    

August 7, 2018

Work went fine. Finally, there were a bunch of people there so everything is getting back to normal after the summer vacations. 

Guðrún sent me a message at around 3 pm and Panda was not doing well. I just felt how frustrated Guðrún was and went an hour home early. 

First thing I did there was to get Guðrún to take a nap while I sat in the living with Jana and took care of Panda. 

It was very hot so Panda wasn’t doing well. Things looked okay but the baby was still fussy and on top of that there was some misunderstanding which ended with Guðrún sulking in the bedroom and me trying to comfort the baby. Finally things quieted down and I got to talk to mom as it was her 74th birthday. 

August 6, 2018

Work until 14:30, still got in some good hours. First proper workday I felt, I figured out what was needed and what had been done or I hoped so. The reason I had to leave early was that the nurse was coming. This was a different nurse as the other one was on vacation. 

She weighed Panda and she was 4,8kg, so she had gained a little too much weight. 900gr in two weeks. Guðrún a little sad to get this news and felt like she was doing something wrong. Also, she really didn't like the nurse and felt like she was being criticized for her mothering although I didn't agree. But after a little while everybody calmed down and the two of us spent the evening playing sequence with Jana.

August 5, 2018

We slept until 11, which was great. When everybody was awake Jana got to hold the baby for the first time which was a really nice moment. 

Went to Mad&Kaffe with Jana and Maggí and hand brunch and after we went Cafe Plantagen for a cup of tea and coffee. The baby stayed out for too long and got very tired. This frustrated Guðrún a lot and she even tried feedding on Lithuaniaplads which didn’t go very well. I felt like a burden unable to help, powerless and frustrated like I couldn’t do anything right. Guðrún got even more frustrated when we realized that we had forgot about Nemlig.dk and had missed or groceries. But the said they could ship us to us later which worked out. 

Maggí came over with her friend Drífa before she left for Aarhus and after that we had a quiet evening

August 4, 2018

Slept in, took out the laundry and did some writing which was nice. After I got home I got to hold Panda for a while which was nicer. 

At around 3 pm my sister in law, Maggí, came for a visit. She was traveling home to Aarhus from Iceland and was the first person that got to hold Panda, except for me, Guðrún and the nurses. 

My brother Bjarni called in the evening. It was nice to hear from him. He was in Múlakot and was enjoying the summer house. He told me dad was getting worse from the Alzheimer’s which I knew but it’s always difficult to hear. 

My mother in law, Jana, came late in the evening and got to meet Panda for the first time. She’ll be staying with us for a few days. 

August 3, 2018

Worked from home but unlike the previous day, I didn’t get much done. Then again I received almost no emails. 

Guðrún went out with Panda and I felt depressed, I think it was because I couldn’t get anything done. Which then made me more depressed. But I felt better once Guðrún and Panda came back and I was back to my old self once I took a short nap. 

We watched the Lego Ninjago Movie that evening which was good stupid fun and later I finished A Hobbit, A Wardrobe and a Great War which was a letdown. It focuses too much on history and religion and not enough on writing. 

Panda’s name is finally being decided but still we are not 100%. 

August 2, 2018

Worked from home which was great, did more work than yesterday which surprised me. I started to listen to the A Hobbit, a Wardrobe and the Great War. I always love to learn more about genre fiction. 

I and Guðrún had a nice lunch with eggs and mushrooms. It’s been a long time since we had that kind of brunch at home. After lunch, we took a long walk and got a bunch of packages that we had ordered online.

After dinner, I did a bunch of redecoration at home so we are ready for my mother in law to come for a visit. 

We are still thinking about a name and it´s hard to choose one. It is is final and she’ll have to carry it for the rest of her life. So it has to be right. I don’t know, maybe we are over thinking this. 

August 1, 2018

Finished changing the third chapter in robot book. I’m happy with the progress and the outcome. 

Went to work but it was very warm and I was craving sweets all day. Also didn’t get as much done as I wanted. 

When I came home I ate a bunch of 70% chocolate. Apparently, Guðrún was feeling the same way. 

We went to bed early and I did´t write a lot. But I did finish the Cuckoo´s calling, which was a nice mystery novel. 

July 31, 2018

The second day at work was a lot more difficult. It was so hot in the office and I missed Guðrún and Panda a lot. But finally the workday was over and I got to go home. There I took a nap with Panda which was so nice. We are still thinking about names and are trying out two. I have my favorite but in the end whatever we choose will be wonderful. 

Panda was a bit over stimulated at from 22 to 23 but then she slept for 5 hours which was great for everyone. 

July 30, 2018

This my first day back at work, well if we don’t count last Thursday. So I woke at 7:10 super tired and tried to take a nap in the living room. That didn’t work so I did some chores and took a shower. 

Work was nice there were only three of us and Pedersen had a nice chat with me about birth and having a new baby in Danish (which I was proud of following). Guðrún called at around noon and was very frustrated. This set the tone for the day and I was scared she’d still be mad when I got home. 

This was definitely not the case as she was super happy when I came home. So my worries (which are a big part of me) went away. I made spaghetti bolognese for dinner. We ate while Guðrún fed Panda. 

We the tried to get her to go to sleep but she resisted, which has been a problem lately. I played her the guitar for the first time to try and soothe her. It might have worked but I’m not sure. Guðrún cried at least, she always loves it when I play the guitar. I should do it more often. I used to do it every day but not anymore. I just write in my free time. I haven’t even written a song in years. 

We went to bed before ten and I wrote a bit which was nice. Chapter two in the robot book has been changed to the first person. 

July 29, 2018

Guðrún was tired after the night and Panda was frustrated. So I took the baby into the living room and did a little writing while Guðrún slept. 

We had a great breakfast at Mad & Kaffe. After that we ran into Ingibjörg, Magnus and Felix (who is super cute. I would never have written this before I was a dad myself). We then walked down Sønder Blvd where we ran into an old schoolmate of mine, who had recently moved to Copenhagen. We then went to Prolog and a cup of tea and coffee. Panda was breastfed outside for the first time. 

Helena and the kids came by in the evening. We had dinner out in the garden and played some Uno. They were going back to Iceland the next day so it was great to spend some time together. 

At bedtime I tried writing instead reading and I’m not sure that is a good thing as I had trouble falling asleep afterwards. 

July 28, 2018

Finally started to work on my Robot book again. It has some major issues but I have an idea to fix it and hope that it will work. This will change most of the book into a first person narrative. I’ll cross my fingers and hope that it works.

Panda got her first bath, before she went in she pooped and then peed on her mom and during the bath she peed on her dad, oh the wonders of being free of the diaper. Next time we’ll do it in the kitchen sink not in the shower, rookie mistake. 

July 27, 2018

The weather was still so hot and the baby was not doing well in all the heat so I went out to Fisketorvet and got an extra fan. This one was much bigger so it helped a lot. While I was there I got a little Ben and Jerry’s which was a nice treat for the two of us. 

Helena and the kids came by in the evening, we had some pizza and played Uno. Then we went to bed early which was nice.

July 26, 2018

I got a great night sleep mainly because I got to wear earplugs as this was my first day of work. There was almost no one at the office, only Emil and Louise were there and they said no one expected me until Monday. So I just went through my email and went home a little after lunch.

The day was good although it was still very hot. In the afternoon Helena (Guðrún's nice) and her kids came for a visit. They stayed for a good while and loved to get a look at the newest family member. 

Bedtime was difficult because we couldn’t get Panda to sleep because of the heat. I rocked her all over the apartment which usually works but not in the heat, even though we had two fans running on full. In the end, we swaddled her which got her to sleep. 

July 25, 2018

Svenni and Rosa came for a visit. It was good to have friends over to chat and they were calmed and stayed for a few hours. 

After they had left Panda threw up. I mean she really threw up not just some minor reflux. So we called the emergency number and they asked to bring her to the hospital. I was sure she was OK as she didn't have any of the other symptoms that the nurse asked about but I was super worried about going to the emergency room as there would be a bunch of sick people there. 

We went took a taxi and Guðrún was very afraid that something was wrong. Panda looked OK and was happy but I just tried to keep my cool and keep my worries for myself as it would do no good to share them. I thought that she just got sick because of the heat. 

Anyway, we went to the ER and waited for about an hour before the doctor could see us. He said that Panda was the picture of health and that everything was OK. After that, we changed her and Guðrún breastfed her at the hospital which both went well. We then went home and tried to get to bed but the heat was still bothering all of us. Still. we got to sleep around midnight.

July 24, 2018

Our apartment was cleaned in the morning. So we went to the baby cafe on Dybbelsgade and had a nice breakfast. I had the brunch platter and Guðrún got a sandwich. we were both very happy with the food. It was very warm so we were worried that Panda didn't feel good. We changed tables to and picked a spot that was a bit chillier. Still, it was so warm. Guðrún breastfed and changed Panda at the cafe. Both went really well.

When we came home the apartment had been cleaned which was great. There were some problems feeding Panda most likely due to the heat but in the end, it all went well. Although Guðrún was feeling down and worried about if the breastfeeding would take or not. I tried to tell her that if this would not work then we would just need to use the formula which is OK. I think it is just frustrating for everyone when your baby is crying and you don't know what to do. But like I said it all turned out well and we were all feeling better in the evening.

July 23, 2018

Guðrún got to sleep a little in so she was feeling better. The nurse came for her second visit and took a look at Panda. According to the nurse, she was doing very well. She had gained 400 gr in 4 days and was now 52 cm long. 

In the afternoon we went to Le cafe on Sommersted Blvd and played som uno. Guðrún breastfed there which was good. Both of us want to have more confidence breatfeeding in publi so she go be out and about in her maternity leave. 

July 22, 2018

The night was uneventful after we had swaddled Panda although I had some trouble falling asleep, but we were awake at nine the next morning but didn’t get out of bed until eleven. We went out and had lunch at Stempel, which was nice. We had coffee and Cafe Plantagen and Guðrún breastfed there. This bothered a patron on the next table who sighed and left. Just goes to show how little patience some people have for other people's babies. I know exactly how that feel, I used to be just like that. 

Guðrún was feeling blue. She was dreading that I was going back to work in a few days. Two weeks for paternity leave is way to short. My friend Gautur took six weeks which is more like it. But this is the way things are here in Denmark so nothing we can do about that. I take a longer leave in February so that we can bridge the gap between the end of our leave and when Panda will get into daycare. 

July 21, 2018

The night was very difficult, our little Panda only slept in bouts of 30-60 minutes which meant that we only got half that (if we very lucky). We weren't sure what was wrong at the time we suspected that she might have gas. She finally fell asleep early in the morning when we swaddled her. There was one feeding after that at around nine but we didn´t get out of bed until 13:40.

Went out for a walk and stopped a cafe, Ingibjörg came by with a little be of stuff and had a  nice chat. It was so nice to be able to chat with someone that went through the same thing we did only a few months earlier. Arnar and Haffi came for a visit in the afternoon, they were upbeat and had a lot to talk about

At around 20:00 gas problems return, we are a bit calmer this time as it is earlier in the evening. At a little before midnight, we went to bed. Panda started acting up but we straddled her after talking to Gyða that gave us some good advice and even sent us a video on how to swaddle correctly. It is so nice to have someone we can ask for advice when we were having trouble like these. 

July 20, 2018

The night was uneventful. I slept until noon and again I was very tired not sure why. Maybe I'm sleeping too lightly or maybe I'm in too deep of a sleep when I awake. Whatever the reason I seem to be more tired than Guðrún and she's up feeding half the night. 

Otherwise not much happened. I went to the bakery and got a few pastries before Gugga and Raggi came for a visit, our first visitors which was lovely. They gave Panda a beautiful dress she got to ware the next day. 

We had to wake Panda for her evening feeding. She was super tired but we burped her a few times and changed her to get her up. We then watched the Angry Birds Movie which was everything that I thought it would be and fine entertainment at the time. After this, we went for a walk. Panda woke while we were out but we got her home before she cried too much. So that was good. We went to bed early. 

July 19, 2018

Early Thursday morning I took our little Panda out of bed for a diaper change. I have been the go-to diaper changer in the family as I want to do my part. This is usually an easy task and a nice way to spend some quality time with my daughter. That morning ti didn´t go as well as the baby pooped on the changing area and even down to the floor. This was not very popular as I was dead tired and had to clean everything up. At least I had a good story, to make sure that our carpet would be permanently ruined I went out and got a small mat under the changing area, just to prevent future poop disasters.

We had a nice breakfast and talked about what was the best way to get to the doctor's appointment, either we would go via bus or taxi. The taxi won. Which went well. While Guðrún went to the doctor while I and Panda waited at Amager Kaffebar (which is one of my favorite coffee houses in Copenhagen). I used the wrap around and Guðrún took a photo of me as I was super happy with my little girl so close to me. I put in on Facebook and got a bunch of likes and nice messages, which I was super happy about. I think I´m becoming one of those Facebook parents. Also, the wraparound is so comfortable.

In the evening we found a small rubbing sore on her inner thigh. Guðrún was worried. We looked it up online and found a suggestion to let her air dry for about 10 minutes at least once a day, which sounded good. We also increased the size of the diapers we are using.

Guðrún asked me about the blog and I felt weird because I don´t know how much is OK to share

We watched the movie Body of Lies with Leonardo DiCaprio which I found confusing and uninteresting. Maybe it was because I was writing the blog at the same time, but Guðrún felt the same so I think the movie was just not good. 

July 18, 2018

During the night of the 18th, I slept a lot— and I mean a lot. I woke up at around 2 pm. There were a few feedings during the night during which I woke a bit and helped a bit, washed the nipple shields, changed some diapers etc. But I was just so beat and asked Guðrún if I could sleep a bit longer and that I did. I was very happy that she let me, although she herself got up around noon. But I got to sleep a lot more because I slept during the feedings. I'm not sure why I was so tired but most likely it was due to little sleep the previous night.

The good news this day was that the breastfeeding was going a lot better. Guðrún was a lot calmer and Panda latched on quicker. She still cried a bit but we all handled everything so much better and therefore we were all a lot happier. It was a very good day.

The highlight of the day was when I got to put the baby in a wraparound carrier which was absolutely wonderful. She slept on my bare chest for an hour in the wraparound while Guðrún got a good two-hour nap (which she deserved after all the feedings). In the meantime, I watched a little Youtube and got up to date with the blog, which was great.

For dinner, I made meatballs, while Guðrún and Panda were breastfeeding in the living room. We then all ate and breastfed together and had a lovely evening. It was an absolutely great day.

July 17, 2018

The baby woke up at 5 after falling asleep at 00:40. So we got almost 4 straight hours which was great. Guðrún let me sleep while she breastfed but I woke a few times to change a diaper etc. The feeding lasted until 7:20 so I took our panda into the living room and rocked her to sleep and sang her a few songs. I don’t know many lullabies so I ended up singing pop. At first I didn’t want to sing morbid songs but most songs I know by heart are a bit sad so after a few "nice" songs I gave in an sang her I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Deathcab for Cutie and my god did I cry in the chorus it was like I understood the lyrics for the first time. I would actually do anything for my little girl and follow her into the scariest circumstances. It was a bit frightening and beautiful at the same time. All the feels with Panda that morning were amazing. 

The nurse came to visit us nine and answered all of our questions. She made suggestions on the breastfeeding problems and weighed Panda which was a healthy 3,53 kg. Our little girl was doing good according to her. The consultation with the nurse was interesting as we started speaking in English but then she asked if it was OK to speak Danish. We said that would be fine if we could speak English so everything was a mix of the two. The thing that bothers me with that kind of communication is I tend to guess the meaning of words and that is not something that I want to do when I´m talking about the heath of my daughter, I missed a few details but thankfully Guðrún picked them up. Still, I need to ask more questions. So I and Guðrún were very happy when the nurse left and everything seemed great. But the feeding at around three pm was very difficult the baby cried and cried. Guðrún was losing it, she wanted to give up the whole idea of breastfeeding and said that she couldn´t do this. It was difficult. We decided I should go to the pharmacy and get a new nipple shield. I had to go to 4 stores to find the correct size and when I came home she was much cooler and she had managed to feed Panda. So we were all happier. We went for a walk and had a successful feeding when we got home. 

In the evening we decided to watch Wonder together which made both of us cry. In the middle, of the movie, there was another difficult feeding but we got through it. Guðrún is taking the feeding difficulties hard. I try to be her rock but of course, it’s difficult especially when takes her frustration out on me. Not that I´m perfect in any way after the movie there was another difficult feeding and I didn´t do my part. I just sat down and stared off into the distance, which made it difficult for Guðrún to try and keep her cool. 

Before we went to sleep we had a few ideas about what could be wrong and talked about our options. So I went to bed optimistict that we could solve these problems. I mean we had to, the past couple of days had been very difficult. 

July 16, 2018

Guðrún got very little sleep but let me sleep while she was feeding. I felt a bit guilty for getting to sleep while she was awake, but was very happy because I was not handling the sleeplessness well. To make up for this, I tried to do more in the morning as she was a bit frustrated with how much sleep I got. She was more tired than she realized at the time. 

I was awake from 6 to 8 in the morning with them and I was doing relatively well, but Guðrún was not. Panda appeared to be a slow eater and the feedings took a long time. She finally got sleep from 8 to 12. Apparently, four and a half hours is the max we could leave her without a feeding so we never took a chance and woke her after four. Still, it was very good to get some rest. Guðrún fed the baby while I prepared breakfast. She was more worried than before. She thought the baby was eating too slowly and did cried too much. I tried not to seem worried as it would have done no good. But inside I was also worried not only about the baby but also that Guðrún was showing signs of postpartum depression. Thankfully, all of this was wrong but at the moment both of us let our worries get the better us. Still, we tried to enjoy the life with the new baby and Guðrún sometimes cried just because she was so happy to have this bundle of joy in our life. 

The baby stayed awake from 15-17:30, she cried, she was frustrated and her poop was very liquid. I went to Fisketorvet (the mall) and bought a few things. We had not heard from the home nurse when I got back and at this time Guðrún almost has a meltdown. She was tired, super worried and scared. She just wanted to give up breastfeeding and thought she was a bad mother because she didn't. I tried to be positive but the baby's crying also was getting to me. 

I tried to call into the hospital Barsel ward (or post labor care ward) but the person didn't speak English and I  heard that her Danish was bad so I asked to be called later. This was very frustrating especially since nobody called us back. Prior to that, we had argued about whether she should call or me, I was insecure because sometimes I don´t ask the “right” questions and it bothers me when she gets mad. She said I wasn´t pulling my weight which is always difficult because that´s what I feel like as a dad, sometimes I´m just the third wheel in the equation. Thankfully these we talked these things out and felt better. 

Guðrún asked me to get her phone which was charging in the hall. We didn't realize that it was in silent and had gotten a message from the nurse. This calmed us both, we also looked at a midwife center in the neighborhood, so we knew that we could get help if needed.

I made dinner and let both of them sleep in the meantime. I was mentally tired and scared that something wrong. But don´t get me wrong I still thought our little Panda was the most beautiful thing in the world and Guðrún was the best mom ever. 

July 15, 2018

The Monday was a bit hazy, we didn't get a good night sleep and Panda was a long time feeding. I didn´t get a chance to write the day up but I remember a few of the firsts. It was the first time a could let mom see the baby for a long time thought Facetime, which was she very happy about, and we were trying to set up a schedule, this failed completely.

Also, we had to go back to the hospital for a blood test. This was at 11 in the morning which was a bit of a hassle but we made it and everything went very well. Our Panda slept most of the time which was very nice.

We put out the Facebook status announcing Panda's arrival and it was so nice to see how happy everyone was for us. This completely changed my view of these types of Facebook statuses, I couldn't believe how happy to hear other people say that my daughter was beautiful.

July 14, 2018

This was a Saturday. Guðrún also had trouble sleeping because she was always worried about our little Panda. I one time the baby awoke but I got up and put her back to sleep. In hindsight, I think that is the first time I did that.

The nurse came in and told us that we would leave on this day. We thought that we would get one more day but we were OK with going home. So we got our stuff read. The breastfeeding was still taking a long time but we had tried to use a little formula in a syringe which got the baby to sleep a little bit longer.

Before we went home we went to the Copenhagen Heart study to have the baby's heart measured, this was an opt-in study which we thought we would be a good idea. It was more difficult than we thought as it took a long time and our little Panda wasn´t happy about the whole thing and cried a lot. This was breaking our heart. One of the study workers gave her a little sugar water and she calmed down. After this, we got some pizzas from 7/11 and then took a taxi home. The baby slept all the way which was great and then kept on sleeping which was weird. We looked up sugar water and realized that it was at fault. She was drowsy but she drank a bit of milk which made it a bit better.

We were glad to be home. I was especially happy because I could lay in bed with Guðrún and our baby and be a bigger part of everything. We started by just laying and enjoying being a family.

July 13, 2018

I slept through most of the night but woke twice when Guðrún was saying that the baby was throwing up. I was super tired and asked what the nurse said. Apparently, Guðrún had already talked to her and she said that it was all OK. So still half asleep I just went back to sleep. According to Guðrún I was like an alien and didn’t know where I was. Which seems about correct because I completely out of it while trying and failing to be supportive. Meanwhile, Guðrún was really worried and didn’t sleep at all. 

I woke early the next morning when the baby woke. The both of us were still on cloud nine with our little girl. We talked to the new nurse that went over a few things with us. Guðrún tried to breastfeed. She didn't expect it to work but the nurse was there and gave us some nipple shields to use. The baby took to the breast which was great but each feeding took a long time which made Guðrún more tired. 

I got to change my first diaper which was very interesting. It was very full of meconium, I was not that surprised because I had heard that the first poop would be thick and black. Guðrún helped me clean our Panda's bum and we put on her diaper. 

The hospital hotel was very nice and we were served nice food. Although the dinner we ordered was weird. We wanted to order two dishes: a chicken masala and a pork chop with mashed potatoes. But for some reason, the kitchen just put everything on one plate, which was not want we wanted but we ate it anyway. This was one of the days where I was quite busy and didn´t get any time to write what happened, instead I wrote a bit about what happened the day before. 

The highlight of the day was to get to hold my daughter in my arms while I was shirtless. Ther nurses recommended this skin to skin contact and I really enjoyed. She also looked at me for the first time which was wonderful.

July 12, 2018

It was now midnight, not much had happened since Guðrún got her water broken and we were just kept waiting. We were very frustrated but I tried to keep m calm. Still, this was stupid we were we asked to come in if nothing was to be done? Why weren't we asked to come in a day later? At least then we would have been well rested. This was the feeling both of us had and Guðrún got in a little bit of a row with the midwife who was working the reception. But of course, we knew it was not her fault. We were also just a bit frightened as we knew that after the water was broken we just had 24 hours to get the baby out (actually this was not the case but what we thought). 

Finally at 00:25 we were put in the labor ward. Guðrún got a nice bed and me a comfy chair. We didn't know how long until a midwife is free so we tried to sleep or relax. The midwife came in at 01:00. She told us that she would be with us until the end of her shift at 7:30. Guðrún was again hooked up to a monitor and then if ok she would get a drip that would increase her contractions. If the baby´s heart rate was ok then the drip would go up by 20 ml every 20 minutes. As Guðrún´s placenta was on the front I had to help with the monitors. This meant adjusting the heart monitor if it lost the baby´s heart rate and pressing the contraction monitor when Guðrún felt them come on (as that was much easier then trying to adjust it). After a while got a control of the monitors. Guðrún took the contractions monitor and told me to rest so I got a quick power nap.

As I woke up the midwife was coming in, it was 2:06 and now it was time to prepare the drip. It needed two tries to get the catheter. The first in the left hand didn´t work but the one in the right was good. Of course, I couldn´t watch it go in, I´m not that brave but I found it interesting to see it flushed with water. I had never seen that done before. After this, the midwife left after and we had a couple of sandwiches, that we had warmed up on the grill before going to the hospital, with some Fanta zero. Guðrún pushed the monitor when she got contractions. 

Guðrún went to the toilet which was a bit funny because she had to unplugged from all the machines and take her IV-drip to the toilet. She had to use the wrong hand which she thought was very uncomfortable but I thought was hilarious. At this time she was still losing water and we tried using a hot water bag for her lower back to ease the pain. At this time the contractions were getting worse fast. I think neither of us realized how quickly the pain got worse. We were just focused on getting the correct readings, time the contractions and relaxing in between. I started measuring the contractions both on the phone and pressing a monitor. At this time Guðrún was more than 3cm dilated so we were in active labor.

We were moved into a maternity ward room and Guðrún got worse fast. I started counting the seconds to make it easier, the contractions seemed to be about one minute and 15 seconds, so the worst was 45 seconds. We tried a bunch of different positions. It was easiest to stand next to the bed. She looked horrible like she was really sick and at one point I was sure she couldn't make it without an epidural. She went to the shower for relief, which at least gave her some comfort. In the shower, I monitored the contractions and counted the seconds while Guðrún just tried to get through the pain. The midwife was always coming and adjusting the heart monitor which at the time was super annoying but in hindsight, I know how important it was. The IV-drip can have a lot of effect on a baby, which was something we learned about a few hours later. 

At around 4:15 Guðrún was measured again and the progression seemed good, she was dilated about 4-5 cm. But Guðrún was not handling the pain well. She even asked if she could request a c-section. We discussed it for awhile and decided on an epidural. It was clear that she needed it. She looked exhausted and I think everyone agreed it was necessary, she would not get through this otherwise.

The anesthesiologist came in and in between contractions she put a catheter into Guðrún´s spine. It was bone chilling. I had heard about this but witnessing it was bone chilling. It went really well, the drugs were put in and finally, she got some rest (I also got some rest). Guðrún was measured again and the midwife thought that she was almost at 6 cm dilated, so we seemed to be progressing well.

There was a shift change at 6:30 and we got 2 new midwives for the price of one. Both of them were super nice they would be our biggest help in the hours to come. They started by measuring Guðrún again at around 8:15  and they weren’t as happy with the progression. It looked like that Guðrún was only about 4-5 cm dilated still so the drip was increased by 20 ml. 

It was recommended that Guðrún stand to speed things up, this was not as comfortable. She was still tired from all the pain and had been lying on her side, but she got up and tried all of the suggested positions. This seemed to work as the next measurement she was 5-6 cm. The baby got a diode on her head so Guðrún didn’t need the heart monitor on her stomach which was great. It had been bothersome from the start so it was nice to be rid of it. But the baby’s heartbeat was fluctuating too much at this time. The midwives were a bit worried and gave Guðrún something to slow down the contractions for 20 minutes or so and after that, she just fell asleep. We updated our loved ones via Facebook messenger and tried to get as much rest as possible. The midwives took great care of us and talked us through what was happening so we weren't worried about the baby. 

The drip was then continued at 12:04, at the first low amount, so the contractions would start up again. I went to the 7/11 and got some bland tasting chicken for Guðrún. She didn’t want any taste. I noticed that this was the first time I had left that room for more than 6 hours, it was a strange feeling. For some reason, I always got myself a caramel frog when I went to the store. I absolutely love them and they are not sold everywhere, also I was having a baby and thought I deserved one even though my cholesterol is too high ( so in truth I should skip the candy, but that´s willpower for you).

Guðrún started to get contractions again but the midwives gave her more pain medication and some antibiotics. I tried to support as much as I could but there was a limited amount I could do. I counted the seconds when she had contractions, it felt like I was endlessly repeating 10,15,20,25,30, 35,40,45 and staring at the contraction app, but I didn´t mind at all as it seemed to help. Guðrún got more dilated until it appeared like half of her uterus was fully dilated but the other half had a while to go. The midwives thought this could be because Guðrún lay one side and not the other. So she tried different positions to get the second half fully dilated. The midwives were absolutely wonderful and got her all the way but that wasn’t enough. The baby didn’t want out. It was still not far enough down. So the doctors came in and explained our options: try for an hour more or get a c-section. We talked about it for 10 minutes. Called Maggí Guðrún’s sister who said the c-section was the way to go. I think both of agreed with that all along and just need a nudge. Guðrún was tired and in pain, so we said yes to option b, the c-section. But we talked it good over first. Of course, there was a chance that the baby would move further down with the help of the midwives but there was no certainty and we didn´t want to take any chances. 

I was given scrubs, Guðrún laughed and told me to take a selfie which I of course did. It didn’t take long for the OR to be ready and we were whisked in. The midwives talked us through everything and came with us to the OR. The helped keep everything calm and I can't thanks them enough. 

In the OR I was introduced to two OR nurses, the anesthesiologist and I had met the surgeons. Guðrún was put on the table that looked a  like a cross and her hands were loosely tied down. The anesthesiologist and one nurse talked to her and gave her relevant drugs. She lost the feeling in the lower part of her body. She felt very sick but got a shot of black gue to make it better. She shook all over from some of the medication, she was afraid that something was wrong but the nurse told her everything was OK. A partition was raised on Guðrún´s chest so she wouldn´t see the operation. I was told that I could watch. I told the nurse that I was a bit squeamish, she smiled and asked if I had had something to drink or something sweet. I said that I was OK. I decided to give Guðrún all of my focus. She appeared scared or I thought she was, but she said she was good. I said that I would take care of her and that the doctors would take care of our baby. She smiled and was happy, as was I — I was just minutes away from becoming a dad. 

The operation started. It was really fast. The nurse told me to look. I quickly peeked over the partition and there she was, my daughter. It was just a glance but enough. Her face contorted and she cried. It was like my heart was smashed into a million pieces. It was so real and I was so not prepared for the feeling. That little baby was my daughter. I was a dad. There were so many feelings and didn´t have room for all of them. Guðrún just broke down. She sobbed like a little girl. Later she said that it was because of the drugs, she just couldn't control herself. She also said that it was difficult to be stuck at the table she couldn´t touch our daughter right away.

The took the baby and to a station, the midwife led my there too. At the station, the baby was injected with vitamin K and then they handed her to me. I was still crying. I asked one of the midwives to take pictures and she took a lot, which was so great. I was led to Guðrún where I sat while they stitched her up. We cried together and looked at our daughter. The baby was weighed 3,68 kg. Then finally Guðrún was ready to take her. We thanked everyone and went with the midwives to post-op. Their Guðrún recovered for 2 hours. We hugged the midwives goodbye, as their shift was coming to an end, the two of them had been with us for more than twelve hours. We were so thankful to themþ We met a new midwife that was taking over but she said that she would just be with for an hour or two. The baby and Guðrún were checked and got a pass. We then went together to the post delivery ward, met our nurse who talked over the basics with us. I let the baby lay on my bare skin and she was so good. She is the most beautiful girl in the world. Later I learned that she was born on the same day as Julius Caesar. I then got our stuff from the labor ward and we went to sleep as a family for the first time. 

July 11, 2018

Guðrún took the pills from the hospital every two hours as instructed, this started at 15:00 on the day before and lasted until 05:00 in the morning. So she woke three times during the night to do this, so she was rather tired when I went to work but still, there was nothing. She did have some mild period pain but nothing significant. I, therefore, went to work on the 1s told her to call if there was any change. Our appointment was at 14:45 and we hoped to get more news then. 

I was pretty calm and thought there was at least a day until something would happen. I was just looking forward to meeting our little Panda — FYI: That’s not her name, just what we have been calling her instead of the baby.

At 14:45 we went in and met the midwife. We had not met this midwife before but like always she was very nice. Again Guðrún was hooked up to the monitor. Like I said, I thought nothing was going to happen and even assumed that I would go into work tomorrow, there were still some assignments that I wanted to finish and I had not written the out of office reply. But that was not going to happen. We noticed that there were some contractions on the monitor but Guðrún didn’t feel them that much. Still, according to the machine they were very regular. When the midwife came back in she was very calm. She checked the uterus and told that we would be called in as soon as someone was free to take care of us. This didn’t quite register until she said: “I hope I don’t see you tomorrow because it will all be over then.”

I was going to be a dad and most likely within 24 hours. The both of us were in a bit shocked. We walked the length of the hospital and it was almost like a dream. All I could say was: “Huh.” We took a taxi home and started to prepare everything that we needed. I had to call mom but I barely could say a thing. She, my mom, took the new very calmly and asked us to keep her informed. Guðrún sent a Facebook message to her sister, mother and nice. Her sister would be in Copenhagen the next day so she might actually get to meet our little girl which was exciting.

Neither of us expected to be called in until the next day. Most of all I just wanted to lie down next to Guðrún but just in case I said we need to have everything ready. So I got to work filling up our hospital bags and making sandwiches. This was good on my part because they called at 16:56. 

We were both really excited and had to finish making the sandwiches before calling a taxi. Not that it mattered as we were at the hospital within 40 minutes. There we went into a room and were greeted by a new midwife, which was also nice. She tried to burst the water but needed help from a colleague because the baby was too far up. So help came in the form of another midwife and together they burst the water. Guðrún felt it and said it was very weird. Lots of water was leaking down but she wasn't peeing. 

Everything looked good but we needed to walk to get the contractions going. So we walked to the end of the hospital which is pretty far and then back on the floor above. We went out to the huge patio and walked there while listening to the first chapter of the audiobook we had decided on a few weeks earlier (A Gathering of Shadows by VE Schwab). We walked on and measured the contractions with an app and listened to the book or talked. After that, we had a dinner at the 7/11 at the hospital. I bought a bagle which was unbelievably dry, so I threw it away and got the same thing as Guðrún, a cajun wrap.

After the dinner we went back to the midwife ward, I don´t think that was its name but it sums up what they did there pretty well, and were told to wait. We were both tired and we thought it would be a good idea to relax until Guðrún got the drip, so she lied down on a bench/ couch. Right away the contractions lessened so she walked more. there was a small veranda by the waiting room where she walked back and forth for about half an hour. While there we looked at the live score for England v Croatia in the World Cup semi-finals, which Croatia won.

We had been in the waiting room for 45 minutes so I went to the front desk and I asked if we needed to wait longer. They said they couldn't be sure but that it shouldn't be much longer. I suggested that we take a short walk which the receptionist said was a good idea. This was not popular with Guðrún because the contractions were still weaker and she wanted answers and was fearful for the baby. But we decided to walk a bit more as it seemed to increase the contractions

After a 45 minuets walk we came back to the ward. Guðrún hadn’t felt the baby for a while, was sore in the shoulders, fingers swollen and her pelvic bone hurt. We got a room and waited. We were put into the monitor again and checked manually. Things were moving along. 

We were asked to take another 15 minutes walk and then asked to go to the waiting room and wait for our midwife who just delivered a baby and should be free at any second. So we sat down and zoned out with our phones. We knew it was important to conserve our energy which was difficult since we had already walked for 3 hours which was the longest Guðrún had walked in the last trimester. We waited for an hour until we got frustrated and went back to reception. apparently, our midwife had to attend another labor that had unexpectantly come in so we had to wait longer still as our labor was to be induced and therefore we could wait. 

July 10, 2018

This morning we took the 1s bus to Hvidovre Hospital. At the time I thought that in 0-5 days we would be parents. The midwife had called Guðrún last Friday and told us that we needed to come in because the baby was a bit on the bigger side and that it would be better to induce labor. Apparently Icelandic and Faroese babies are much bigger than Danish babies. 

The weird thing this morning is that I’m slowly understanding that soon there will be a new person in the apartment but still I have no idea what is going to happen. I think that I’m more scared than I’m admitting to myself. But I need to appear calm so Guðrún doesn’t worry. 

At the hospital, we met a really nice midwife who talked with us about what induced labor means, that it could take up to two weeks for the labor to start but it could also start tomorrow. She had a very professional and friendly demeanor so I felt that we were in good hands. After the talk, she hooked Guðrún up to a monitor and we could hear the baby’s heartbeat. She left us for half an hour and I had to hold onto the monitor so the machine could detect the heartbeat. 

We left the hospital the same way we came with the 1a and had lunch together at Joe and the Juice Magazine. After that, I went to work. it was good to focus on work but at three I started to realize that the baby is due any day, because at that time, Guðrún was taking the first pill to induce labor. 

I came home around five and we went down to the basement to sort through baby the clothes. Now sizes from 62 - 94 are all sorted into neat little plastic boxes while size 56 is in the bedroom. I think everything is read although we will need to put a few things into the pregnancy bag when we leave on the big day. Not long now. Feeling really excited. Lots of feelings but most a good, although like I said there are some fears, which I´m told are normal.