July 16, 2018

Guðrún got very little sleep but let me sleep while she was feeding. I felt a bit guilty for getting to sleep while she was awake, but was very happy because I was not handling the sleeplessness well. To make up for this, I tried to do more in the morning as she was a bit frustrated with how much sleep I got. She was more tired than she realized at the time. 

I was awake from 6 to 8 in the morning with them and I was doing relatively well, but Guðrún was not. Panda appeared to be a slow eater and the feedings took a long time. She finally got sleep from 8 to 12. Apparently, four and a half hours is the max we could leave her without a feeding so we never took a chance and woke her after four. Still, it was very good to get some rest. Guðrún fed the baby while I prepared breakfast. She was more worried than before. She thought the baby was eating too slowly and did cried too much. I tried not to seem worried as it would have done no good. But inside I was also worried not only about the baby but also that Guðrún was showing signs of postpartum depression. Thankfully, all of this was wrong but at the moment both of us let our worries get the better us. Still, we tried to enjoy the life with the new baby and Guðrún sometimes cried just because she was so happy to have this bundle of joy in our life. 

The baby stayed awake from 15-17:30, she cried, she was frustrated and her poop was very liquid. I went to Fisketorvet (the mall) and bought a few things. We had not heard from the home nurse when I got back and at this time Guðrún almost has a meltdown. She was tired, super worried and scared. She just wanted to give up breastfeeding and thought she was a bad mother because she didn't. I tried to be positive but the baby's crying also was getting to me. 

I tried to call into the hospital Barsel ward (or post labor care ward) but the person didn't speak English and I  heard that her Danish was bad so I asked to be called later. This was very frustrating especially since nobody called us back. Prior to that, we had argued about whether she should call or me, I was insecure because sometimes I don´t ask the “right” questions and it bothers me when she gets mad. She said I wasn´t pulling my weight which is always difficult because that´s what I feel like as a dad, sometimes I´m just the third wheel in the equation. Thankfully these we talked these things out and felt better. 

Guðrún asked me to get her phone which was charging in the hall. We didn't realize that it was in silent and had gotten a message from the nurse. This calmed us both, we also looked at a midwife center in the neighborhood, so we knew that we could get help if needed.

I made dinner and let both of them sleep in the meantime. I was mentally tired and scared that something wrong. But don´t get me wrong I still thought our little Panda was the most beautiful thing in the world and Guðrún was the best mom ever.